8/26/06: Federlined!


Hippie:
Kevin Federline heads back into the studio. (Y'see...? Not saying he's... really white or anything... but... get it? It's all... aw, fuck it)

AgentQ:
The Venus Mantrap lured in unsuspecting victims with its specially evolved "prone female" decoy.

Reynard_T_Fox:
"Better watch what you do, the walls have eyes. Well, just the one. And I suppose we could just hang a towel over it. But my point stands." "And that is?" "What is this, an inquisition?"

Agent_Moldy:
Gloria Estefan was concerned: "You two, outside with no hats on. You want the rhythm to get you?"

Hippie:
Suddenly, while Rick mourned his lost love, his fist decided to take revenge on him, out of nowhere, for wearing that rattail all through junior high.

Reynard_T_Fox:
The square clouds get noticably nervous at the arrival of a punk cloud.

Hippie:
Hey! Is that Kevin Federline, right outside my office? Wow! I'm going to get his wife's autograph!

Agent_Moldy:
"Poor schmuck." "You mean, the rhythm...?" "No, he didn't shake his body, do the conga. Stupid, stupid man."

Mr_Grant:
Gay marriage comes to Utah.

Jazzsoda:
The wine-rack lure worked perfectly. By the time Gladys, Phil and Dr. Cooper noticed Jimmy's shark fin, he was already snout-deep in their breadbaskets. Advantage: Fish!

Mr_Grant:
"Hello, I'm Bob Air Breather Hope. It sure is great to be here in the Sargasso Sea. I haven't seen aqualungs this big since Dorothy Lamour at Catalina. But lemme tell ya..."

GersonK:
"You want to know what Aywon is an anagram of?" "No way." "No, come on, let me tell ya."

JediClone:
Little Rob Horner sat in a corner/ Looking for gals to lay/ Along came an actress who got on his matress/ For a role she was willing to pay

Seltaeb:
"The waitress said they were out of doggie bags, so I said that's okay, I'll just wear my pancakes."

Jazzsoda:
Tex had to lay the horses down and skid around the corner on his own knee, but thankfully they were able to narrowly avoid encountering Kevin Federline.

JediClone:
Kevin Federline IS Britney Spears AS The Trailer Park Madonna! Coming soon to a tabloid near you!

Hippie:
First rule of Nude Club: DO NOT talk about nude club! Second rule: Always jump up and down on your clothes doing the naked dance. Third rule: DO NOT talk about nude club!

Jazzsoda:
The cavalry was right around the corner, but thankfully Don knew the location of Brando's secret getaway car, sculpted out of rich creamery butter oh fuck.

AgentQ:
"That's amazing! I've never had my hand Federlined before." "And you never will again!" *salesman disappears in a puff of smoke*

Jazzsoda:
Everybody loves the San Fernando Valley's leading discount diamond ring wholesaler, Off Ice! Would you believe 30% off? 40% off? Not 50% off!

JediClone:
Whatcha gonna do brother! When Hulkahairline runs off on you?

Seltaeb:
I thought Mike Love would make for an interesting guest on my talk show, but all he did ws clip his toenails for ten minutes.

HanoverF:
For all Joe's grimey hippy looks, his shirt is a remarkably clean shade of Federline, and I think it's spreading to his arm

Jazzsoda:
Jesus, you owe Art Alexakis twenty bucks and he starts showing up in all your old childhood family films, snorting up all your blow.

Reynard_T_Fox:
"Uncle Moby's here!" "Hey kids. Who wants to hear some repetitive piano line over an old sample?" "ME! ME!"

Generik:
"Me and my small tribe of chin-bees want some honey with our half-caf double latte! BZZZZZ, motherfucker!!"

HanoverF:
It's a bit unnerving when the plumber comes to install the cut rate garbage disposal and puts Kirstie Alley under your sink, but the savings make up for it

Jazzsoda:
"What's the matter, Dan? Stay out too late drinkin' last night? Too Federline in here for you?" "*buuuuurp* Bitch, don't get all contrasty with me this early in the morning."

Hippie:
Mmm! Honey-flavored apostrophes! Orangey bass clefs! Delicious blueberry amputated crosses! Kicky cherry triangles with erections! And chalky tasty toilets! You'll love Willy Wonka's Candy Droppings!

HanoverF:
New Phillip Morris brand Cigarette Blinds, now with more nicotine

Seltaeb:
"Do you know how long it takes to pass a fire sprinkler through your system? Three days. Trust me."

Seltaeb:
"Now then, can you guess how long it takes for a house's electrical system to pass through one's system?"

Back Index NEXT!