 Hipptonite: Will Superman ever catch that Roadrunner? Sure as fuck! He's Superman! |  FrevonaH: Aww FUG! My transformer changes into a low orbit sattelite, lame! |  AgentQ_El: Unlucky robot Triskadekatron slips on his third banana peel this week.  RedsunSinner: The ugly truth that he is not a buffet of manliness suddenly sets in.  Reyno_T_SuperFox: Superman later became a tireless crusader against landmines. Kryptonite landmines. They're actually quite cheap on the black market. AgentQ_El: Little-known fact: Though he was always quick to break up robberies, creepy voyeur Superman would always watch rape attempts for a minute or two before saving anybody.  Reyno_T_SuperFox: "You are no match for Hepatitis Man! ...whew, gettin' tired here..."  BlueHanoverF: When nothing better comes up, Supes likes to rip down powerlines in remote wilderness areas and start forest fires, Superman is a Dick  JewelKryptoclone: heh, heh. Thanks! I'll be terrorizing Metropolis all week. And now here's a little number from way back in '35 *piano melody*  RedsunSinner: The Supetusi just isn't as elegant as the Batusi.  Hipptonite: Ever since the accident caused by Superman, The Widow's Peak hasn't been able to hold a knife correctly. That and the nail driven through his upper lip. Look, there's just a lot to be pissed about.  RedsunSinner: The hell? Supes stealing James Brown's signature move! Why? Because Superman is a dick.  JewelKrytoclone: SUPERMAN A DICK so says Editorial Staff Writer J.Jonah Jameson  Reyno_T_SuperFox: Faster than a speeding IUD! More powerful than a latex condom! It's SUPERM!  AgentQ_El: Well, yeah. I mean, the guy can barely move. The coach was a moron for letting him go up to bat in the first place.  Hipptonite: Clark! The Blue Tights Company is on the phone again-- *Gotta take this in private, Lo. Yello? Yeah, I got a--uh--dance recital I'm practicing for... CubReporterAgentMoldsen: "Hello?" "I know who you are!" "No way." "Dick!" "*gasp* But how --" *click* GerthirdtolastsonofKrypton: "Sorry Bruce. I can't 'babysit' Dick tonight. I think Lois is planning on nearly getting killed again."  AgentQ_El: Sometimes, for fun, Superman would stand in the middle of lonely back roads and let vehicles plow into him. Wow, what a dick.  Hipptonite: Casting Michael Clarke Duncan as Gorilla Grodd is really going to bring down the heat from Jesse Jackson...  Mr_Meldrixelplik: Sure, Superman has to save Lois. Those 20 trapped miners who he just caved in are just SOL.  GerthirdtolastsonofKrypton: "Mold on the ceiling! This looks like a job for...well, shit, this one might be too lame even for Aquaman."  Reyno_T_SuperFox: Superman would occasionally pay Buddy Holly to stand in for Clark Kent, just for insurance. The fact that the people never noticed the 50-pound weight difference suggested that maybe it wasn't necessary.  RedsunSinner: God damn! Janet Jackson's areola is attacking our moral fiber yet again!  Hipptonite: Clark Kent was the worst kind of jock. He'd leave copies of The Fountainhead out in the open and beat the hell out of anyway who stopped to investigate.  MarveloverDC: Not only is he smoking illegal cuban cigars, he lit it with a kitten!\ AgentQ_El: Comics, animated shorts, serials, multiple movie franchises, even more television series... You've come a long way, baby.  GerthirdtolastsonofKrypton: "Detective friday, are you trying to seduce me?"  AgentQ_El: "Blessed are the meek! Humperdido!"  Hipptonite: Clark's Rodney Dangerfield bit never went over that well. Too many jokes about how people can never tell who you are when you're not wearing glasses.  RedsunSinner: Clark can't keep from jerking off during Wagner...not because he's a dick, but just because it feels so gooooood.  GerthirdtolastsonofKrypton: And he sneezes out the tiny solar system he inhaled just for fun. Dick.  CubReporterAgentMoldsen: "You folks at home, go ahead and make your own 'faster than a speeding bullet' jokes."  RunningoutofHandles: Pushes Gargoyles over on unsuspecting pedestrian? You bet. GerthirdtolastsonofKrypton: *superhawk ptui*  Mr_Meldrixelplik: .oO(Wonder Woman gets an invisible plane, all I get is this cheap invisible bike. Oh well)  HanoverSupermanisadickF: Impales people who dress as him on Sunset Blvd on flagpoles? Check  CubReporterAgentMoldsen: Kicks his own conjoined twin in the ass. Mega-dick.  JewelKryptoclone: "Mine!" "aw c'mon!" "Take it, i dare ya!" "please!" "Pretty please?" "Pretty please!" "With sugar on top?" "Pretty please with sugar on top!" "I HATE sugar! *flies off laughing*"  ReevesoverRouth: Makes his shadow look like its doing innapropriate things with other peoples shadows? All the time, the dick.  Hipptonite: Every time a story about Batman comes on the TV, he grabs these things at the local power company and the whole city misses the story. Dick of Steel.  RedsunSinner: You're supposed to bump uglies, Supes, not just hump bumpers.  JewelKryptoclone: o/' Isn't it great to be a bastard? Isn't it grand to be a dick? From the World's Biggest Asshole to the World's Smallest Prick!  Mr_Meldrixelplik: "Would you like to read your note to the rest of the class, Mr. Luthor? ... Uh, on second thought..."  JewelKryptoclone: Meanwhille, in stately Wayne Manor, The Last Dick Of Kryption prepares a gasoline-soaked surprise...  Hipptonite: Luthor never gets credit for all the great things he gave mankind. Like the deadbolt. And the Mr. T haircut. Well, the deadbolt was great.  AgentQ_El: Failed comic one-shots #17: Gargamel, Man Of Science And Prince Valiant Team-Up Special  Reyno_T_SuperFox: Hey, he didn't light a courtesy candle, did he? D! I! C! K!  AgentQ_El: Rarely-seen Superman powers #10: Neck elongation. It only goes out a foot or two, so it's not particularly useful. Sometimes he'd use it just to get it out of the way.  Hipptonite: Poor bastard had to do every issue of the Daily Planet by hand because Superdick routinely broke the printing press for shits and giggles.  GerfifthtolastsonofKrypton: Melts tall building with a single glare? More dickfull than a $1000 a plate RNC fundraiser  JewelKryptoclone: Using mirrors to focus the sun's rays at at albinoes? Dick, dick, and dick.  Reyno_T_SuperFox: Bending light sabers in half just because he can? Long long ago far far away dick.  Hipptonite: Superman launches an attack on the ghostworld! He stretches the shit out of Slimer, then sets him free, with the warning: "Tell your friends hell's coming... and he's named Superman!"  Reyno_T_SuperFox: Ignoring the safeword? Sadistic dick.  CubReporterAgentMoldsen: Head-butting wacky wall-walking Pat Moritas in the crotch? Bizarre, but yep, done. Dick on, dick off.  Reyno_T_SuperFox: Insisting on holding hands in public even when it makes his date uncomfortable?  AgentQ_El: Crazed scientist proclaims that Earth is facing climate change and species evolve; Superman proclaims himself the Second Coming.  JewelKryptoclone: Faster than a speeding bullet, I'm the Last Son Of Truth. This is the Colbert Report!  CubReporterAgentMoldsen: Not showing up for Career Day? That's it, Superdick has gone too far! |