 AgentQ: Children are sometimes overcome with sexual desire and yet have no idea what's happening or how to deal with it. Jake, for instance, leans forward and clamps onto Virginia's neck like a lamprey. |
 Hippie: Now class, for our construction paper project, I want you each to make a picture of your love-button. Boys, make a picture of your mommy's... aw, shit, the cops again?!? |
 AgentQ: Juliet paused. This was going nowhere. If she wanted to be a really good birdwatcher, she'd need to get two things: (1) a pair of binoculars, and (2) outside. |
 Hippie: My Dinner With a Pre-Teen Hippie, When He Was Still Black From the Neck Down, and Boy Did I Need That Fucking Salt Like Right Now |
Jazzsoda: "Domino, bitch! *slam*" "Dude, we're playing D&D." "I know. Waaaait. Like Drinkin' & Dominoes, right?" *sigh* |
 ArchHallJr: John Larroquette, Masturbating Attorney . . . next fall on FOX |
 Agent_Moldy: Then suddenly, Janis Joplin was sorry she begged that guy to take another little piece of her heart. *death rattle, slumps over* |
 ArchHallJr: "I've got a mutha fuckin' plane to catch." |
 Reynard_T_Fox: "They've condemned my house? With me in it?!" |
 GuloGulo: Sadly, John farted long before he finished dialing, so his intended victim just heard the whisper of khaki cloth. |
 Jazzsoda: Jill does the Safety Dance wrong and has her forearms blow off and embed in Ted's sternum. You try to warn these people via song |
 Hippie: "I love collecting beer bottles and cans! It's my best hobby ever, Janet--I'm already up to 87! Thanks for drinking them for me. |
 GuloGulo: So I'm supposed to take orders from a bunch of sticks and cloth? |
 Jazzsoda: Seeking to relive the thrills of youth, Wincourt had a gigantic car built, strapped blocks to his feet, and called all his rich friends over to go for a joyride. |
 GuloGulo: A severed head can still feel annoyance and consternation for up to 30 seconds. |
 Hippie: John Vernon and Tennessee Ernie Ford. They're cops. He's bad cop, he's yodeling cop. Which is much worse cop. |
 GuloGulo: "Shit! I almost forgot to piss in my luggage!" |
 Jazzsoda: George hated people who waited until they got to the airport to piss in their luggage. |
 Generik: "When the Amoeba Met the Nudebranch" was not one of Busby Berkeley's better-known ice-skating productions from the '30s... |
 Reynard_T_Fox: "To the laundromat! HYAH!" |
 GuloGulo: "Just because there's a little snow on the mountain doesn't mean there isn't a fire down below! The more hair I lose, the more head I get! What I'm saying is I think we should all fuck." |
 Generik: "No, heh heh, this? THIS?!? Oh, I, uh... Well, to be honest, I got this representation of your head for my lapel downtown! They're, uh, they're selling them all over down there! Everywhere!" |
 AgentQ: One of the really annoying things about being narcoleptic is that the phone bill is freaking huge. |
 Jazzsoda: Little-known aviation fact: Pilots also come in differing sizes to correspond with various airplane models. Here, a 747 and a DC-10 taxi to the pilot's lounge. |
 Generik: Not many girls went out with Carl again after he played his cute little "I Got Your Ass, I Got Your Tit, I Got Your Fucking Nose Ripped Off In My Teeth, Bitch!!" game with them. |
 Jazzsoda: After tearing the back seat out of a 1971 Nova and installing it as his livingroom couch, Rick would just sit and laugh and laugh at how funny that was. Laugh and laugh. For weeks. Laugh and laugh. |
 GuloGulo: "Mind if I rest my arm." "Go right ahead, Richard Kiel." |
 Jazzsoda: Some said Wolverine was insane for insisting that his shack be build only from trees with "outie" knotholes. Then they died, all hacked up and shit. |
 GuloGulo: "Old America: Why Does It Smell So Funny?" |
 HanoverF: How to hide your erection, #1: Baggy Pants, #2: Leg Cross, #3: Wishing it into the cornfield |
 HanoverF: Thats an awful lot of hammers for a barbershop |
 Jazzsoda: Darline answered the question correctly, and got the class's only chair for the day. Everyone else hung jealously from straps bolted to the undersides of their desks. |
 GuloGulo: Bobby could only fall asleep if he was wearing a suit in a void. |
 AgentQ: "Shut up, David. If I can teach intelligent design in science class, I damn well can teach magic, too. Now, you tuck the red ball in your hand like this. It's called palming. Class? Palming." |
 Reynard_T_Fox: All the news that's old hat to gay people. |
 AgentQ: Johnny's love of firearms and hatred of circles found their perfect expression together. |
 HanoverF: "Meanwhile at Haliburton headquarters, James Bond dies quietly without fanfare |
 GuloGulo: When will this black scourge leave our land? |
 Generik: "Dribbling began Thoroughly Agnostic 4th, 1859"... and has been the bane of Christian finger-pointers ever since |