 Jazzsoda: Yes! Parade Wars kick ass! Bring out the heavy guns! Woody Woodpecker! Garfield! All floats at ramming speed! |  JediClone: Here we are at the British Tabloids Day Parade! Without these tireless reporters, nobody in England would remember that they still have a Royal Family! |  Dairai: Say what you will about the UK, but at least their porta-potties are easy to spot.  Guy_Foxs_Day: The distraught fans of Arrested Development would often turn delustional, reporting sightings of-OH MY GOD! There's Michael and Lindsay and GOB and Lucille! Right in the middle of the crowd, I swear!  Jazzsoda: Say, there's a message in the kitty litter... you know, I hate this new Fresh Stephabits.  keogh: "...and he used to take me, dear." "La-la-la-la-la..." "Take me in ways you young people don't have the guts to try..." "LA-LA-LA-LA-LA..." "Your father was tireless." "AAAGGHHH!"  Matteus: Did I get really flat chested last night?  UnReality: "All right, on the count of three. One...two...three... boob-off!"  Seltaeb: "Why does everybody think my China display is a shooting gallery? Maybe I shouldn't keep the rifle rack next to it."  Agent_Moldy: "That's it, give me those bedroom eyes!" "Honey?" "Now you're a lemur!" "Martha, I --" "Yes! YES! YES! Annnd I'm spent." *sigh* "I'll get the pills."  Guy_Foxs_Day: "Uck, dammit. We're going with the seedless water next time."  AgentQ: Some people have flashbacks to horrible war experiences, or terrible accidents. Gloria has flashbacks to the time she was on Press Your Luck and hit a fourth Whammy.  Jazzsoda: "Well, even if I can't get seedless water in this lousy town, I can still enjoy a nice up of wetnap tea. *dip dip*"  GersonK: "Damn. This isn't a mother's little helper, it's a mother's thankless dropout ingrate!"  Dairai: "Okay, for this shot, you're Edward G. Robinson, and a fire ant's just crawled up your pantleg... perfect!"  Jazzsoda: Hank's nose-picking would have bothered me less if I hadn't seen him pull that mustache down out of his nose like a projector screen.  Guy_Foxs_Day: Look, we *told* you not to swallow the seeds. Now you have a water tree growing in your stomach and no one to blame but yourself.  JediClone: Who'll be the next bible-thumping uber-conservative GOP moral watchdog to be outed as a drug-addicted sexual predator? Lets go to the negatives and find out! *drumroll*  GersonK: It's the origin story! That radioactive Twinkie's gonna bite him back and he's gonna become Twinkie the Kid!  Guy_Foxs_Day: "Ellie?" "Shhh! The can of furniture polish doesn't suspect a thing!" "Was just going to say, you should crack a window open when-" "Then it'll get away!"  keogh: Times had certainly changed. In the Old West, your birthday usually meant you got a Chippendale desk set, and a male accountant would pop out, greet you warmly, and hand you a calendar.  Guy_Foxs_Day: Sarah Plain and Flat.  Generik: Using Pete's hat as a megaphone, Pete's penis made an announcement about Granny's hair gel that had Clem questioning his very existence...  GersonK: "And note that even as I drink a glass of water, Pepe still continues to be my inferior."  AgentQ: Having run out of bullets long ago, fleeing bandit Jonah Dixon angrily pointed his finger at pursuing rangers while shouting "You're bad people! You should go home this instant!" Jazzsoda: Bill fired back at Blinky a split second before going into the maze's warp hole, and somehow ended up shooting his own horse in the head.  Guy_Foxs_Day: "What we need from the audience is an occupation." "Fireman!" "Football player!" "Caveman!" "Okay, caveman. And a setting." "Mars!" "Poopie!" "For the last time, Billy, we're not doing poopie.  amycamus: Next on WifeSwap, see how a consumerist mom from Pacoima copes with living among a nihilistic family living in a complete and utter void.  Guy_Foxs_Day: There was a little girl who had a little curl right smack dab in the middle of her forehead. When she was good, she was very good, but when she was bad, she wreaked horrible telekinetic vengeance on everyone in her class.  JediClone: Know how you can tell that the Pope really does shit in the woods? He's always got flowers stuck to his shoe.  Hippie: The best way to recover your cool when you have a two-car accident in the median is to quickly paint a parking lot there. Smooth move, Ex-Lax!  amycamus: Well, I'm afraid the only treatment is a combination of chemotherapy and radiation. You MAY lose your Florida, but we'll do our best.  Seltaeb: That Lenny Bruce sitcom where he played a guidance counselor only lasted one episode. Well, three minutes, actually.  Jazzsoda: "Are you staring at my breasts?" "Nope. Still trying to find 'em."  Hippie: Now that's just disrespectful. We used to call them "police procedural consultant" when I ran CSI.  Seltaeb: Pig croquet.  Generik: "If you think monkey brains are a delicacy, wait until you try live baby pig brains! Now hand me that hammer..." Hippie: Few people don't have the patience to raise a gaping flesh wound as a pet. I'm different that way.  Seltaeb: Dark Side Of The Oink.  AgentQ: "Stupid bus barber. I just said a little off the top, and I get this."  Hippie: Rockwell's once-famous "By the Warmth of the Burning Negroes" painting has, thankfully, been lost to time.  AgentQ: Is that Doug McClure's face? His face, in the rock? His chin and lower lip are right by the horse's tail, right? And he's sucking on a gumball? I'm not the only one seeing this, am I?  Hippie: Remember, whenever you're nervous public speaking, try to picture hot bikini models without their underwear. Or something like that. Bring visual aids if it helps.  AgentQ: This still comes from a lost Twilight Zone episode, "Death As A Salesman," in which the reaper takes human form as a pitch man. The twist? He dies of a stroke. It was lost on purpose.  Jazzsoda: Gladys could type 80wpm on her perfume menagerie. In related news, family members complained that she always smelled like corrective fluid. |