 E_B_A: Our Wesley Snipes-themed Icecapades are going to be the best EVER. | Occupant: The first blade stretches the whisker The second takes the whisker out for drinks The third says it will respect the whisker in the morning The fourth . . . |  AgentQ: Damn, dude, check out the balls on that tarantula.  Seltaeb: What a coincidence, the Thick Blade gang always gave me Wonder Wedgies in high school. AgentQ: "I'll hold the door open, Thick Blade! You fend off those ninjas!" "UHHHHH why do ninjas wear masks, Wedge?" "Just fend them off!" "UHHHHH is it because they're ashamed of themselv-" *SLICE*  Hippie: Those internet brides never look quite as good as the pictures imply, but hey, Ronald doesn't really own a franchise either, so they were both a little let down.  Seltaeb: Marlon Brando's last known photo Agent_Moldy: "Biz Markie?" "I'm Captain Freakout! I'm here to scare you automagically!" Jazzsoda: Grimace 1956-2010 He was too fat to bury, and so we cremated him. He burned for three months, like a tire fire. And now North Dakota smells like canola oil. He will be missed.  Hippie: NEW! In this week's issue of People... More than 35 NEW PEOPLE! *Gaps* That's twice as many people as they had last week! Did you just gaps?  TravisBickle: Dave Coulier just struts around like King Shit since everyone knows Alanis went down on him in a theatre.  E_B_A: I think their coverage of Walter Cronkite's wife farting was a little too much. Fifteen pages with multiple angle photos?  Jazzsoda: The Berenstain Bears Don't Care teaches kids about Republican values before they're old enough to develop qualities of human sympathy.  JediClone: *???* *???* "People Fold-ins dont make any sense"  AgentQ: That drag queen reenactment of the Kennedy assassination sure was one confrontational piece of performance art. It confronted my lack of tolerance for performance art.  HanoverF: "Tee Hee, I'm washing dishes, just like a wife!" "I'm washing dishes just like an illegal immigrant!"  Agent_Moldy: "Without Huey Lewis, this news just sucks." *cancels subscription* Coyote: FRICTION INCREASES WORLDWIDE! *man blinks audibly*  Reynard: You Will Raise Your Eyebrows Incredulously At Us  E_B_A: Larry King in love with Candice Bergan. But also using sunglasses to identify hideous aliens bent on brainwashing world. Kicks ass due to bubblegum shortage. Seltaeb: Recasting Terminator with the cast of Married With Children was a colossally bad idea.  Matteus: that's Paula Poundstone with a beard!  AgentQ: He's got a halo! *headline hastily revised to read Angel on Mars* He looks like the Sphinx! *headline hastily revised to read Angel on Mars Beckons Believers to Solve Riddle or the World Will End*  keogh: Even catatonic the dude's got it goin' on. |
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