 Reynard: "♪ De lift goes up where we belong!" |  Mr_Bad_Movie: "Your father's light saber. He wanted you to have it when you were old enough.." *ZUM...SPRONG !!!* "Oh crap. Well it HAS been in that trunk for a few years.." |  E_B_A: Johnny's ventriloquist act was terrible. He really should learn a trick other than "Press the elevator button." Jazzsoda: SUSPENSE! *click* *clickaclicka*
THRILLS!
INTRIGUE!
The Lift  HanoverF: "Yep, still have that brain tumor." *Sneezes* *wipes hand on painting*  AgentQ: "Are you checking in? Of course you're checking in. No one ever checks out... of the Mickey Mouse Club." *glowers menacingly*  HanoverF: There's a great scratch and sniff Bowie interview on page 12  Agent_Moldy: .oO{I hope he notices my hat I hope he notices my hat I hope he notices my hat I hope he n --} "New hat, Jeremy?" *squeeeeeeal*  HanoverF: *Slow motion running* "Ho-o-o-o-l-d t-h-e D-o-o-o-o-o-r-!"
*Ding*
"N-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o!"
 Reynard: *clunk* "OW!" *clunk* "OW!" *clunk* "OW!" The Lift Occupant: Really, there's like two ways an elevator can actively kill someone No, Muzak would be considered a passive kill.  Jazzsoda: "Hey, you think that killer elevator's gonna get us before this thing's over?" "No way to know." "We could take the stairs until this blows over." "Yeah. If we were pussies."  AgentQ: *opens up ambulance doors* *ambulance doors slam closed on his head* The Lift  Occupant: Flicks oil from hair onto canvas. Looks it over. Signs it "Adrian Zmed"  Spock-Up Pet: "Don't make me ax you again!"  CrabofDoom: "I call it 'Red, White, and Bacon'. You like?"  Generik: Trying to keep track of every employee's menstrual cycle proved to be just a little more than middle manager Steve could handle. "Dammit, is it Wendy this week and Annette next, or...? Arrgghh!!"  AgentQ: *screenwriter ponders how to make a whole movie about killer elevators* *A-HA! They can detach themselves from the hotel and run around, gobbling up people like Pac-Man!* *I'm a fucking genius!*  E_B_A: "Yeah... 12 cases of PostIt Notes..." THE LIFT!  HanoverF: "He's not in any of these pictures." Could you describe your attacker? "Umm, big... boxy... metal?" We'll have a sketch artist come talk to you. The Lift  echostation: "I'm Sideways Badge, and this is my partner, Up-and-down Badge."  AgentQ: "I've brought you the marshmallows you requested." "Good. Leave them here. I shall consume them at my leisure."  E_B_A: "Nobody move or I'll blow us all sky high!" "That's toilet paper." "Uh... okay, nobody move or I'll wipe my ass a million times!" "Security!"  Agent_Moldy: "Say, is that a Cross-Your-Heart bra?" "Yep!" The Lift and Separate  E_B_A: "Dad... we have to talk." "Me and my mittens are listening." "It's about the mittens." "What about them?" "You embarrass us with them." "WHAT!? HOW DARE YOU!" *UNLEASHES THE POWER OF THE MOTHERFUCKING MITTENS*  Reynard: The mere presence of the Dutch language makes this film not scary. Occupant: Boy! Holland sure takes their foot fetish legislation seriously!  E_B_A: I TOTALLY called the whole "12 Cases of Postit Notes" thing! I WIN HCC!  Agent_Moldy: "We recycle because Jim Nabors tells us to. What other reason does one need?"  Seltaeb: "Now as you can see here, the location that I'm pointing out-- oh my mother OF GOD MY HAND! OH BLOODY JESUS MY HAND!!! The Overhead Projector  Jazzsoda: "Ew, this coffee's cold." The Lift  CrabofDoom: "Oh, look! A penny!" THE LIFT  JediClone: "Mommy, I'm not grounded, so why do *I* have to wash the dishes?" "Because it's National Killer Household Appliance Month and I'm not unchaining the dishwasher for another 17 days." *tonk tonk GRRRRRRR!*  Reynard: If an elevator has pink neon in it, then it's either going to kill you, or it has strippers. Myron here was quite willing to take the gamble.  JediClone: "I'll take Death Number Three"  Jazzsoda: *toilet paper rolls out* Look, it's not exactly The Shining, but this is from people who think wood makes good shoes. We're grading on a curve here.  JediClone: *Chunky red bits of Bo Derek drip slowly from the elevator ceiling*  Agent_Moldy: "Great. Guess I have to haul your drunk ass to my car." The Lift  JediClone: Then for the rest of the movie, Ash had an elevator for a hand.  CrabofDoom: Agent Mustard, in the elevator, with the Glock. Fuckin' modernized games.  echostation: It captures your image...then captures YOUR SOUL! The Picture Frame  Reynard: *presses button* *aims gun* *door opens* *refrigerator shoots out and flattens him* The Lift  Jazzsoda: "You hear me? I'M TOO SEXY FOR THIS SHIRT! ISN'T ANYBODY LISTENING??" No one was. The Lonesome Death of Right Said Fred  Reynard: GEICO may be so easy to use that even a caveman can do it, but cavemen still generally prefer fire.  Jazzsoda: And now we leave you with these images of porky old Dutch people getting busy! Sleep tight! The horror! The horror! |
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