 Generik: Or, as it's known in the railyards, "Hobo Champagne." |  Jazzsoda: Booo! Get off the screen! We want hobos! *just plain poor people skulk off to be capped elsewhere* |  Reynard: "What's th-" *scared by sound of own amplified voice, runs back to the train*  keogh: "Aside from the malnutrition, gang rapes, confused sexual identity, poor dental care, beatings by yard cops, and drinking unpotable water, hobo's a great life." "Best Buy?" "Former sales associate at Best Buy, yeah."  echostation: ♪ Darkness, imprisoning me, All that I see, Is absolute horror!  keogh: "First a little announcement...don't eat the brown tins of dog food. Apparently they're full'a dog food and we're s'posed to eat people food."  Reynard: *minutes later, sound equipment pawned for liquor money* *rental guys mighty pissed*  Occupant: "And then after the karaoke songfest, otherwise known as 37 versions of 'King of the Road', we'll be having a bouncy boxcar and beer floats." Generik: ♪ Wake me up before you hobo...  TravisBickle: *Bon Jovi's "Wanted Dead or Alive" plays, music coming out of nowhere and everywhere at once* *people stop, music stops* *people continue, music resumes, townspeople cower* MonsterGoGo: Hobo World of Warcraft was fun, but constantly fighting off the shakes and inevitably murdering your party for their shoes killed the community.  JediClone: Hobo Ball Z *Admiral Shoppington Cart spends entire episode powering up a whiskey-belch* Occupant: "♪ Ridin' on the City of New Orleans . . ." "HIPPIE FREAK!" *hit by flying shoe* "All right . . . *sigh* ♪Trailer for sale or rent . . ." Hobos are snobbish about their culture.  Jazzsoda: *unzips shoe* *takes a piss* *everyone who raised their hand to ask a question puts their hand back down*  Seltaeb: Gay Donkey Kong porn? There's a niche for everything!  keogh: Call yourself a hobo? You do not belong in this place of honor! Get outta the car, I'll show you what it means to be cold and stained with three different urines!  echostation: *sad Incredible Hulk end credits song plays on banjo*  Jazzsoda: Hobo cops are just like regular cops except they sleep in their cruisers and are constantly busting themselves for panhandling.  Generik: "I dub thee... Sir Hobo Sweetlips. And, say, as long as you're down there..." Agent_Moldy: The lesser-known Crosby, Stonehenge, Nash, and Young  Reynard: Little known fact: Hobos lived in sepia well into the latter half of the 20th century.  TravisBickle: "Hmmm, needs more beans." *pours in beans* "Needs more spit." *spits in pot* "This will be the best Bean and Spit Soup my friends and I have ever had."  HanoverF: *Wile E Coyote waits holding a knife and fork and licking his lips*  echostation: ♪ Eight teeth and life I got, Eight teeth and life you knowww! My crime is time and it's Eight teeth and life you know-o-ow! Zoogicub: ♪ I see that train a-comin', just up around the ben--* *WHAM!* *CRUNCH!* *SPLORTCH* *PLINGLE* Plingle?  Reynard: "I am now off to take the longest and hottest shower that a human being has ever taken."  JediClone: The city of MacGyver was built using three garages, half a water heater, and a discarded pool table.  keogh: Odds that sign will read "He Hoots Homo Beef" before the hobo festival is over: 8 to 5. Jazzsoda: The Irony Inn later burnt down during a rainstorm.  Seltaeb: We now return to Funny Things That Passed Through A Hobo  echostation: Authentic hobo artifact: Earwax organizer.  Jazzsoda: HOBOS STILL POOR, STINKY *rest of paper is recipes for Underwear-Washing Soup and personals like DSDH (dirty stinky drunk hobo) seeks same to share my scab-encrusted filth*  Seltaeb: At least the hay loft has WiFi.  HanoverF: House patrolled by Illuminati chicken  Generik: Reginald Van Hobostanken III. King of the Road, '37-'39; Rail Bird of the Year, '39; Glee Club, '38-'39.  TravisBickle: Much to everyone's surprise, all Michener had to do was put on a hat, develop a smack habit and cut his novels down to about 300 pages and - voila! - William S. Burroughs.  Jazzsoda: Most of those companies would later reconsider the wisdom of sponsoring a hobo.  MonsterGoGo: "I've tried talking to your train, but these sessions always seem to degrade into--*WHOOOOO-WHOOOOOO~!*--Seriously, your trains a cunt and you should leave it.  Generik: The fuck...? A Bluetooth harmonica?!?  Jazzsoda: Psssh. Young hobos these days just don't get it. Eating chocolates, drinking lite beer and sleeping indoors! Back in my day being a hobo wasn't just a fashion statement. It was a terrible thing that happened to you.  JediClone: "This here used to be a Hawaiian Shirt. Then the flowers all wilted."  TravisBickle: If you do subscribe to Hobo Times, we should warn you - there's a centerfold.  TravisBickle: Just to rub it in for the people who fell asleep on train tracks, the last thing they ever saw was the train's comedic message "SOO LONG!"  Jazzsoda: *frrrrrrrt* That's Hobo Code for "goodbye." *single tear*  CrabofDoom: "I say, chaps, where's the water closet in this... 'box car'?" |
| 
| 
|