 TyrannosaurisRex: I don't care what it is. I'd still fuck it. |  TurkeyVolumeGuessingMan: all the thirst quenching refreshment of smoking with none of the calories! |  SansSerif: Choose the green deodorant and you'll wake up in your bed. Choose the red deodorant and see how deep the rabbit hole goes.  echostation: One burp from Keith Richards?  HanoverF: No, still poodles in clown makeup  Reynard: Harder! Better! Faster! Glider! BuckFifty: 1) No 2) Go to hell 3) Get your hands off me 4) SECURITY! 5) My Dad's a cop 6) Not even if you were the last man on earth 7) I'm a lesbian  BuckFifty: Foul! They just repurposed Darth Vader's Sit 'n' Spin!  HanoverF: "Get your thighs Gud with the Thigh Guder"  GuloGulo: I always have a hell of a time opening that fifth can of vodka.  JediCorpse: *hump hump hump* "HEY!" *sprays OneTouch with water bottle* *open can open can open can*  keogh: I already got a crossword puzzle waiting there. What's this thing offering?  JoeCrow: Worked for Jack The Ripper  Jazzsoda: *Jazz screams, swats at monitor with purse*  BuckFifty: *phone rings* *answers One Touch Can Opener* *torrents of blood and ear bits* *tortured cries of the damned* *fade to black* *brought to you by the writers of Saw IV*  GuloGulo: I can't wait a fuckin' hour and a half to eat my mutant head.  AgentQ: Jesus, Peter Gabriel's really let himself go.  Jazzsoda: Great, now I can blow up gremlins while I'm camping too.  TravisBickle: LIES IN WAIT  Jazzsoda: Incidentally, last fall he ate the American harvest.  GuloGulo: "This middle one I'm gonna cook with just the power of my mind! UNNNNGGGH!! UNGGGH! AAHHHH!! Shit." AgentQ: The infomercial shoot was going smoothly until the set was attacked by a marauding baby in a man body.  Jazzsoda: Shut up guys, Handle-It was cool because he was the GoBots leader!  GuloGulo: We fry through the air with the greatest of ease!  Jazzsoda: Best Whafuh? 2007 Participant, 2006 Consumer Reports Cooking Gadget Shootout Daytime Emmy  GuloGulo: Be fooled by US! TravisBickle: Says the man who is clearly trying to steal the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man's thunder.  AgentQ: (SHHHHHHHH)  Jazzsoda: *microwave just sits there* *grandpa slowly bursts through finish-line tape* *raises arms in victory, prances feebly through living room* *Chariots of Fire theme blares* *in his mind*  Hippie: Why are they measured in Fuck Paul McCartneys? Really uncalled for. Oh. Well, I can hardly be blamed for the misunderstanding. They should put a legend up there or something.  AgentQ: "WWRRRUUGGH! SNAKE MOUNTAIN! SPILLINGYOURENTRAILS-" "Dammit, can we play with this thing for five seconds without you launching into your death metal routine?" "NOOOOOOO YOU CANNOT." *sigh* Hippie: "♪ALL... I... NEEEEED... is just a little more time... to be SURE... what I FEEEEEEEEL..." "Okay, and then, like, He-Man kicks down the door and the first thing he does is unplug Snake Mountain..." "Skeletor helps." Jazzsoda: "♪ MY LOVE FOR YOU IS LIKE A TRUCK, BERSERKER!" "Dammit Billy, put down the Skelephone." "♪ WOULD YOU LIKE SOME MAKING FUCK BERSERKER!" "Why do you keep inviting him over to play with us?"  InsideOutMan: My mum was just as bad. Always laying down spinnach hedges between me and my fun and telling me I had to eat my way through. Except in my case the aliens never intervened. Fuggin' mum. Fuggin' aliens.  Reynard: You just had to taunt Happy Fun Ball, didn't you? Now you're in the shit, boy.  Hippie: 'Cause, like, summer water fun be the shit 'n' all, homes. Peace out. That's enough out of you, Water Wigger!  Hippie: Turns out guys in fraternities make up roughly 65% of all Big Wheel sales, so they started advertising to the market.  TravisBickle: "Surprise, Travis!" GAH! Dammit, twenty years and my old science teacher is still trying to sneak into the tub with me! "There will come a day when you're flattered, you know!"  Hippie: The original slogan of "Death is your only escape" didn't emphasize the kid-friendly nature of the store. |
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