 Agent_Moldy: The following is a paid announcement for Taser: "Hi, I'm Sheriff John Bunnell and --" *tasered immediately* |  AgentQ: "Right, so, when we do this commando raid, aren't you a little bit worried? I mean, you're wearing a ski mask, but the square shape of your head will surely make you recognizable anyway." "I will taser you so hard." |  CrabofDoom: Dude, a lighter and a can of hairspray would be cheaper. And less conspicuous.  GuloGulo: This program is just an excuse to show all of the funny faces people make when they get tasered.  imtheeviltwin: I've been tased 100 times and have suffered no ill-ill-ill-ill effects...  Agent_Moldy: Well, okay, but can we make it that "I gave all my fat clothes to my fat friends" douchebag from the Bowflex commercial instead?  CrabofDoom: "It's like there's a party in my synapses, and everyone invi-*BZZZZZTT* Oooo, kitties!"  Zoogicub: *phone rings* *answers Taser, 5000 volts to the ear*  HanoverF: *You Just Got Tazed!!! Wacky Confetti optional.  AgentQ: "And the taser has a remarkable number of applications in addition to self-defense. Use it to move to the dog out of the way of the TV, for instan-" "Uh, 'scuse me, can I get some help here?" "IN A MINUTE! Jesus!"  Occupant: blah blah blah maniac driver blah blah blah teenage thug blah blah blah PIT Maneuver blah blah blah instantly killed blah blah blah  GuloGulo: But prefers the intimate cruelty of the knife blade over both. Reynard: "But an AK-47 really makes 'em dance!"  Maddog: ♪Tased and Confused♪  Zoogicub: Fellas, this Christmas, why not put the new TasHer in her stocking? * *Please make sure to place handle-side up when placing inside stocking  Occupant: Never, never confuse your taser and your home pregnancy test . . . take it from me!  Reynard: The "Racial Unity" mural in the student union building remains incomplete since they fired the artist.  Agent_Moldy: "THIS IS WHAT I THINK OF ALL YOUR 'FAT CLOTHES', MOTHERFUCKER!!!" *tase, tase, tase, tase* Occupant: Taser Putting the electric into Electric Boogaloo  Agent_Moldy: "Yes, hello, I'd like more information on how I can get two police cars to ram into my van?"  Zonk: Wendy O. Willams, homemaker  Agent_Moldy: The following is a paid advertisement for Package Shark: *knock-knock* "Who is it?" "C.. candygram..."  AgentQ: *crack* *POOF* "Wow! Now I've got '80s new wave hair! Thanks, Duranduraninator!"  Jazzsoda: Hey, fuck you, I'm into the new musics! Christian Polka is a vital genre!  GuloGulo: Veiny  HanoverF: Now to crack open this unpopped bag of microwave popcorn and find out what the secret is... *sucked into wormhole*  Jazzsoda: Some called her a cougar due to her love of younger men. Others called her a polecat. But she knew she was a package shark all the way, baby. |
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