 HanoverF: Unmonitored baby with candy? This looks like a job for Lapre! |  E_B_A: Don's "Concentrate Really Hard and the Money Appears Around You Magically" method just didn't sell well once your IQ went into triple digits. | AgentQ: Even though the man's long dead, Lapre still busts out his Ronald Reagan impression at parties just because a pretty girl laughed at it in 1986.  E_B_A: "And if you act now, I won't send you anything at all!"  Meldrick: "...and then, Cartman said 'Kenny's back alive now, so we don't need you anymore, and we hate you.' So I dyed my hair black and became an infomrecial host."  Reynard_T_Fox: Suddenly Lapre goes all Hannibal Lecter on our caps and I have to leave the computer for a while.  GizM: It's a Wiggle! Run!  Reynard_T_Fox: Jeez, now he knows he's in the gallery and he's going all Brady Bunch with his other selves. The horror...  GersonK: *Jerry Mouse pulls eyelids shut from the inside*  GuloGulo: Don is as thrilled by other people's farts as he is by his own.  E_B_A: "You like that, don't you, fine print... a little tweaky for you... yeahhhhh...." Meldrick: The bastard son of Roddy Piper and... no, I'm wrong, it's just that bastard part.  Hippie: No fair, Don. You can't count bounties on your head as net worth. And open your damn eyes when I'm captioning you! Show some respect! Shanky: "Dying of syphillis at age 30." keogh: "...found with his hand fully up a duck's ass at 29." Shanky: "Am I TOO REAL for all of you?"  GizM: Start stealing paycheck to paycheck  keogh: "Tonight on 'Paycheck to Paycheck,' Bill Paycheck and Phil Paycheck each try to convince the other to stop living. We tried to sell it to pay-per-view but, y'know, standards."  E_B_A: "Sorry... got my black, harrowing speck of a soul caught in my throat there for a second... as I was saying, you can make millions by placing small ads in..."  JediClone: Live jugular to jugular the DON LAPRE WAY!  Reynard_T_Fox: Hey, what's the cover of that CD in the middle there say? ...'Duck'? Wonder what that-*THUD*  Artanas: Wholesale planets? Quick, someone get Galactus on the phone  Meldrick: Re-arrange the letters of his name, it spells 'porn deal.'  E_B_A: In mere seconds! Because there's only three! And that's one of the secrets!  UnReality: "You WON'T be, but it is theoretically possible."  Artanas: are presently stuffed down Don's pants to give him that bulge he's always wanted. Hey, gotta improvise  HanoverF: Lapre's Own NO brand computers, the only computers that smell like burnt toast  Generik: How many sexual innuendoes can you spot in this sentence? Shirley here just pointed out four that Stan hadn't seen. E_B_A: "Hey look, honey! Don's staff actually fires pure, creamy evil!" "Neat!" JediClone: small print: Side-effects of Don's Staff include insomnia, loss of appetite, and painful rectal itching.  Shanky: That's what they said about Brian Bosworth!  Artanas: For special limited people. I'm looking at you Matt Damon  Reynard_T_Fox: Wait a minute, that CD in the middle says "Buick" on it. Now that's just wei-*ran over by a Buick*  E_B_A: "You're probably better off skipping side two... it's mostly just Don pleasuring himself with postage stamps... not really my thing either... anyway..."  Shifter: Okay, this is encroaching on SINGLE entendre territory.  Shanky: "Receiving Don's package? Priceless!"  GersonK: Bah! I won't get out of bed for less than $224 and a jelly donut.  E_B_A: ...we'll send you lube!  Artanas: *Also absolutely free, Don's special edition of Nutscrape Pornigator 3: Pedolicious Edition  JediClone: Cascading business plans?!?! YAAAAAY! This is just like the end of a game of Windows Solitaire! Only with more Better Business Bureau goons kicking down my door! Jazzsoda: You guys remember that novelty hit song from back in 1997, right? "The Internet is Pissing Packets of Pop Rocks"? Please tell me I'm not the only one who's still singing that one.  Seltaeb: Call now and we'll send you some cheat sheets full of old NBA Jam codes absolutely free!  AgentQ: She's clearly seated. I was totally accepting of this informercial's claims up until now, but I have to call bullshit.  keogh: Operators are standing by to take your call. These people are just sitting in the break room fucking around, but if you call operators now, maybe we can guilt-trip them into action.  Hippie: No matter how sincerely you try to read the disclaimer denying everything, your eyes slide *right* into the tits. That Lapre's a genius. |