4/29/06: Man's Best Mechanical Friend


Meldrick:
OK, so maybe setting fire to the horses head is a little cruel, but dammit, the mail must go through.

Wry Batty:
Mongo flood flowers out.

GersonK:
"Now look here, I didn't get to be a junior executive with a view of the finest matte painting in town by taking guff from the likes of you."

Reynard_T_Fox:
"Guy on the phone wants to speak with Professor 'Legs' Mahoney, you know who that is?"

Jazzsoda:
Drive-by pistol whippings either take extraordinary skill, or end up being extraordinarily hilarious. *gimp* *BANG* "Fuck me!" *scree* *CRABANG*

Meldrick:
"My artistic skills are such, I can render images on a grain of rice.""But that grain of rice is a foot long.""A grain of rice, I say!"

Reynard_T_Fox:
Billy and his Reverse Minstrel Hound, Sonny.

Jazzsoda:
Unfortunately for Dirk, Tom's conception of "hogtying" ended with the production of sausage.

Meldrick:
Sure, the hat was fun, until Billy found himself sucked into the engine of a 747.

Jazzsoda:
"Oh if I had a chance I'd ask someone to dance but now I'm dancin' with my tapeworm, oh oh a-oh..."

Moatas:
Waiting for the Sexual Revolution to start

Meldrick:
Eventually, Cass would eat her two back up singers, and the Mamas and the Papas were born.

AgentQ:
*gasp* *cough* *wheeze* *sigh* "One." *gasp* *choke* *gag* "Two."

Reynard_T_Fox:
"Whew, lunch time, who's up for some children?"

GersonK:
Man, what was on the back of those stamps?

HanoverF:
Before inventing the mind wipe pen, the Men in Black used slam poetry recitals in hopes of dulling witnesses into forgetfullness

Jazzsoda:
The only problem with studying for your test on acid is you've got to trip again while you're taking the test to remember any of-SHUT UP NORMANDY! I'm trying to cap here!

AgentQ:
That's when Louise realized she was the only human in a room filled with vampires.

AgentQ:
That guy in the back isn't going to let a little thing like a severe compound fracture in the leg mess up the decorum of the ceremony.

Meldrick:
Jumping up and down, they almost had her hypnotized, then Streisand snapped out and started to sing.

AgentQ:
Dad's demand of "no hats at the dinner table" was met with steadily more and more outrageous replies.

Reynard_T_Fox:
Catherine's one-woman musical about her tireless crusade to become a Registered Naughty Nurse was strange, yet moving.

Jazzsoda:
Offensive to my Irish heritage? Sure. But "Liquor Micks" was still the best musical I've been to in years!

Meldrick:
"...and the winner of the 5th annual Miss Bland and Unthreatening Pagent is..."

AgentQ:
"Hello, everybody! Old Man Seatcushion here to regale you with tales of adventure from days long ago. Like this one time, some guy sat on me!"

Jazzsoda:
Even after the plane has crashed and you wake up in a field of pure shit among the strewn wreckage, it's never too late to make sure your luggage address tags are up to date.

Reynard_T_Fox:
"Yes, I would like to pick a prostitute from the lineup, Madam. But first, let me tell you all about the Nature Conservancy."

Meldrick:
"Dear mafia, you don't have to worry about killing me for my gambling debts, I'm making my own cement shoes, one at a time. - Love Larry."

AgentQ:
"What is it, Clockwork Dog? Timmy's trapped in the well?" " *click* YES. *click* I FEAR HE MAY BE DEAD. *click* " "Good gravy! Let's go, boy!"

Meldrick:
Rob panics and rushes into the pack of bumper desks, and is crushed at once.

Jazzsoda:
Suddenly, Jack realized why no one had ever constructed a ship's outer skin completely out of saltine crackers before.

AgentQ:
"You like it? It's a combination cell phone and electric razor. I've still got a few kinks to work out--if it rings while you're shaving, it'll slice you up pretty bad--but dammit, the idea is solid."

Soozcat:
"Yup, I've rigged up Lizzy here so she runs on stupidity 'stead of petrol. Trouble's getting her to stop."

HanoverF:
People say you can't literally give someone a piece of your mind, people are stupid

AgentQ:
"And it's a DEATH RAY!" Stupid goddamn trailers, always giving everything away.

Meldrick:
Now watch as Ed the one armed cowboy tries to mount up. It's funny and sad at the same time.

AgentQ:
The ability to fire heat rays from his hands made Duke Watson the quickest draw in the West. Some complained that, because he's using powers, it's cheating. How does Duke deal with whiners? Heat ray.

Jazzsoda:
"Somebody shut up that goddamned credit!" *chucks boot* "wrrraaawr!"

SilentFilmStar:
Lassie finally discovered the one problem he couldn't rescuse little Timmy from--juvinile delinquency.

Back Index NEXT!